Half-Full

Half-Full. I’m Positive!

I love books, literature, stories and words. Jesus used parables to teach people about morality and virtue; literature is no different. Because I have always been passionate about reading and because I believe there is so much to be gained from immersion in books, I have tried to help my daughters cultivate a love for books.

Over the last few weeks we have been reading The Secret Garden before bedtime.  There are large portions of the novel that I have forgotten since the first time I read it. Reading it as an adult, capable of more analytical thinking, has made a beautiful story all the more amazing because of the virtues espoused on every page. It is ironic how changes I have been attempting in my own life coincide perfectly with the blossoming of the characters and the garden in this magical story.

I have been known to get into some major funks and about 99.9% of the time, they were all of my own creation. Yes, I’ve had some circumstantial stuff – beyond my control – that has contributed to me feeling blue, but those things were exacerbated by my pessimism.

About a month ago, during one of my bouts of melancholy, a very dear friend of mine pointed out the fact that I wasted a great deal of time and energy being negative. Me, negative? I always used to think of myself not as a pessimist, but as a realist. Those words, however, struck me with such force that I had an epiphany and knew it was time to make some changes in my thinking and my life.

After years of listening to my well-intentioned mother, badgering me to read The Power of Positive Thinking, I finally picked up the dusty paperback and read it. The funny thing is, as much as I adore books and believe in their ability to impact personal and social change, I did not believe that this particular book was going to change my life and I could not have been more mistaken.

Reading The Secret Garden with my girls is further driving the point home. If you’ve never read either of these books, I highly recommend the read – especially if you have a tendency toward negative thinking. The human mind is like a garden. It must be cared for and tended to or it will wither or be overrun with weeds. “Two things cannot be in one place. Where you tend a rose, a thistle cannot grow.”

I cannot begin to explain how amazing I feel as a result of simply making an effort to change the way I think. I used to tell people that being me was exhausting – and it was! I’ve also always said that I am a work in progress, and for the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am enjoying the new ways I have decided to shape and mold my life. My friend, I cannot thank you enough for your candor.

Roses or thistles? The choice is yours. Pour yourself a half-full glass of optimism. It is positively refreshing!

Thanksgiving was always a very traditional celebration in my home when I was growing up. I have family in Colorado and Montana, but my immediate family was small and consisted of my Mom, my grandparents and me – an only child. We prepared and ate the same menu each year with no deviation whatsoever. And while I have fond memories of these childhood holiday celebrations, I can remember watching movies that depicted large families, abundant with dysfunction, noise and chaos and thinking how much fun it would be to be part of that kind of celebration.

The nice part about being an adult has been being able to start my own traditions during the holidays, and Thanksgiving is one I most look forward to for a variety of reasons.

I love to cook and bake. My grandmother and mother were and are amazing culinary wizards and I was always welcomed as an apprentice in their kitchens. I used to love making the pumpkin pie with my grandma each year. Even now I can remember standing on a stool next to her, learning how to crack eggs without getting shells into the mix and the feel of the black handled spoon I used each year to stir the pie ingredients. I haven’t made a pie with my grandma in the many years since her death, but having my little girls, standing on stools beside me in the kitchen as we measure out brown sugar and spices, crack eggs, and stir the pumpkin pie mixture, I know my grandma would be proud of the legacy she left behind.

Days before Thanksgiving, my mom and I will sit down to discuss our menu for the day. We still have most of the traditional items on the menu – the ones I remember from my childhood – but each year we add something new or prepare an old standard using a new recipe. Being in the kitchen with my mom is something I have always enjoyed, and each year I am grateful for the time I have with her – the time my girls have with their grandma making memories they, like me, will savor for years to come.

Thanksgiving is no longer a small, quiet celebration in my home – a new tradition that began while I was in graduate school. At the time I had many friends who, like me, were not native to South Carolina. It wasn’t possible for us to afford flights home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we decided to spend Thanksgiving together. For the last decade I have had upwards of 20 people in my home for a Thanksgiving feast. These friends are all people I consider family, so the day feels complete in a house full of people sans the drama and dysfunction that often exists within the “traditional” family unit.

As much as I enjoy all the festivities of the holidays, there is always a bitter-sweetness about them as well. While I have so many blessings in my life – family, friends, possessions for which I am thankful – I am all the more aware of people who have very little. I will pack up leftovers to send home with my guests and still have enough leftovers to feed my family, but somewhere not far from where I live, there are hungry children and parents who feel helpless. While I am surrounded by laughter and love, I know at the same time there is someone feeling sad and alone. As I am warm in a heated home, another fights against the cold.

Feeling guilty about my blessings, an all too familiar one for me, accomplishes nothing. Thanksgiving, I have learned, is about being thankful for what I have and giving to back to those in need. My family has struggled in this economy along with everyone else, but I give where and when I can. I continue to teach my children the importance of caring for others and stress that there are opportunities for doing so more than once per year. Thanksgiving is more than an annual November holiday – it is a feeling that can be carried around and acted upon on a daily basis.  Here’s wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving – an amazing time for celebration – for family and friends – for giving thanks and giving back.

Where should I be?

I spent the last two hours at United Christian Ministries - a non-profit organization in Pickens County that offers emergency assiatnce to people in need. They have a huge food pantry, which is one of their primary ministries. They also help with clothing needs, financial needs (utility bills, heat, etc.). Being there really made me miss my job at Safe Harbor.

It seems like I have had many jobs in my short professional career, but being a counselor at SH was, by far, my favorite. I loved knowing that everyday I went to work I had an opportunity to help someone who needed help. I love the clients I worked with - the ones who really needed help and wanted to change their lives - the ones who were crazy as hell - the ones who knew how to work the system and get whatever they could get my any means necessary. I worked with people from all walks of life - many of whom had had really shitty lives and will probably struggle with life for the rest of their lives - unless they make some major changes.

Being at UCM reminded me of how much I enjoyed being on "the front lines" - really working with - talking with - spending time with people who sometimes just needed someone to care about them. I certainly don't think I was the end-all-be-all to their lives, but my care was genuine, as was my desire to help, and I think the women I served knew this about me - knew that my care was real and that I was not just there because it was a job.

Now, I am in a completely different environment. I am writing for the paper, which I also love. For as long as I can remember

Here I go...

OK. So I suppose this is my first official blog. I have to start somewhere, and while I like the idea of blogging, I find it odd that I would be writing in such a public forum. But that is the idea right? I am writing out my thoughts and feelings for other people to read. I feel like I should have something incredibly profound to say, but I'm afraid I don't. Maybe this will come in time - when I get used to the concept of blogging.


I have decided to give up eating meat. Years ago - probably when I was in high school and at some point in college, I gave up eating meat for the simple reason that it was difficult for me to eat something that had a face. Eventually, my craving for a hamburger overwhelmed my idealistic determination to be kind to animals.


Brian went on his annual deer hunting trip on Friday. I absolutely detest that he goes hunting - even if it is only once a year. The idea of him sitting up in some tree, waiting for an unsuspecting deer (why would it be suspicious - it doesn't have any natural predators) to wander by so he can shoot and kill it really pisses me off. It seems so inhumane and callous. So, when he announces he is going hunting, I hope against hope that he doesn't see a single deer - let alone shoot one. And I find some consolation in the fact that he has to get up at 4am to go sit in the cold for hours only to return home empty handed.


Each year, as he prepares for this testosterone driven "adventure", I become irritated at what seems like a huge waste of time. I have to give him this credit: he isn't killing a deer so he can have the head stuffed and mounted on the wall. I would make him move into his own apartment before I allowed him to hang a deer head on one of our walls. He at least hunts for the deer with the sole purpose of consuming the meat. Regardless, I loathe the idea of hunting.


This year he pointed out that his hunting for a deer to eat the meat is no different than me going to Publix to pick up bloody hunks of raw meat to make beef stew (one of my favorite meals this time of year). And the more I thought about it, the more he seems right. I haven't slaughtered the cows or the chickens I have eaten over the years, but I imagine the conditions these animals have endured prior to being killed for human consumptions is less humane than the deer wandering about and being killed without warning.


I have decided to stop eating meat. And we'll see how I do. I've never really been much of a big meat eater anyway. If I had the choice between a steak and a bowl of brussel sprouts, I would choose the sprouts any day of the week. No matter how stinky and horrible my children think they are, I love them! Delicious.


But here is my next problem ... I'm sure I have shoes and purses made out of leather. How can I use these objects - which once had faces - but not consume their bodies as nourishment. It seems worse to tote around a dead animal as an accessory than it does to eat one for nutritional purposes. This is something I am going to have to figure out. I don't want to be a hypocrite.